Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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