is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
