at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
