how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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