one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
