you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
