idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
