genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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