My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
