You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
