There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
