when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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