Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
