how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
