For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
