I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
