i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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