can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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