I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just pee around me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
