Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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