Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
