I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
