I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
