I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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