No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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