On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
