we have pet lesbian snakes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
