I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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