It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
