I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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