I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
