wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
