two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
