how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
