goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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