why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
