I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
