i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
