The maid of honor just puked.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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