Welp...herpes.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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