I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
