dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
