I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
