Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If that was your dad, he is hot
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
