Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
