HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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