i think i have herpe
just one?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
