hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I could make wine with my vomit
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
