everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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