end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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