Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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