I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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