I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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