God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
