you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
