i think my tv is drunk
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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