goodnight i made you a song goodbye
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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