Someone shit on the floor
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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