im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
