he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
