if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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