Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
